a gLiMpse On My ThOuGhTs

close your eyes; wish carefully*

Sunday, March 19, 2006
2:17 AM

(--,) Thanks R1

First few days of first year made me sad.... Of course I missed my gang, I missed every moment I had with them (7:00 a.m - 4:40 pm or even 8:00 pm). I cried and cried because I felt alone... Like a wild grass on a field, I felt I didn't belong there. As time went by, I learned to be open to new things. I tried to mingle more with my blockmates not like before (school-dorm routine); I tried to bond with them. I am so glad that we are getting closer and closer now. I got to know them better and I realized that even though my hs gang are not with me, R1's there, in reach. I thank them for making me feel that I belong and that I have a family to find refuge to.

| # posted by ella | 3 comments

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close your eyes; wish carefully*

Friday, March 17, 2006
9:09 AM

Monitor Mayhem

...Another lucky day for me.... Well, my day went fine (and happy) so I never thought something unexpected would happen. Well, my class ended at 130 pm so I went to my dorm earlier than the usual. When I reached my room, I placed my things on the bed and went to the kitchen to get water ( It was soooo hot!!) Actually, you could already see my "tan lines".... mwehehehe.... not in my shoulders..... but in my feet and wrist!! hahahah the power of slippers and watch!! Goodness....what more in the summer class? waaahh... nognog na... mwehehehe.... anyway, at least I got my tan line already... only in my feet and wrist! hhahaha.... eniwei... so there I was repleneshing myself from the exhausting day I had.... then I opened my computer.... and okay.... my monitor dysfunctioned again.... so I did what I usually do.. I shook the cord of my monitor... Shoot! it didn't work.... Again..... Siyeett.... my monitor gave up already.... Actually, I even shook my monitor... hahaha "Gumana ka!!!" while shaking my monitor.. hahah.... okay... I gave up... OMG! my english paper was still not printed and edited!! Okay.. so I went to the nearest comp shop to edit and print my paper.... and I also surfed the net.. (nandun na rin naman aq eh)... okay... I started at 3:15 pm..... and ended at 5:15.... haayyy..... the keyboard there was so frustrating... the Y and A keys were dysfuntional...anyway,,, good thing I finished it on time.... so I went to the cashier to pay... Nyak!! 115 pesos..... I wasted 115 pesos for a lousy monitor..!!! Eniwei... What would I do? just be frustrated I guess... You were destined to be frustrated this day... enuf good luck for you.. T_T "Good thing it was already thursday!! I could already go home tomorrow".. I said.. waaaaahhhh..... silaban ang monitor na walang kwenta!! Ü

| # posted by ella | 1 comments

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close your eyes; wish carefully*

Saturday, March 11, 2006
4:19 PM

HOPE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO READ THIS

Another special day
I was apalled by the things you said
I am still melting
Do everything that will make you happy
Even if it hurts me so
*SIGH*

| # posted by ella | 1 comments

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close your eyes; wish carefully*

Wednesday, March 08, 2006
4:58 PM

Listening is our way of caring.....

This is the motto of the Augustinian Peer Facilitators, my highschool club/org. I belonged in this club ever since first yr hs. I almost quitted here because I couldn't balance my academics with my non-acads. I couldn't forget those lines of Ms Go..."Gusto mo pa bang sumali?"... I answered "opo" and I never regretted that. I was the only girl freshman in APF (Augustinian Peer Facilitator) from the 3 freshmen members.. My goodness.. we were only three that time. It was because the club wasn't popular then especially to us being freshmen. Since I was the only girl, it was hard for me to adjust but thanks to some upper classmen, I felt very much welcomed. I wasn't active during my first yr in APF because I thought it wouldn't bring me anything good. One year passed and thankfully, the members of APF grew its number. We were already 6 in the sophomore year! namely: Matt, Daniel, May, Rhae, Tin, and I. From there, I started joining their activities and programs already, then I thought, it was fun after all. Third year came and yeah 10 na kaming Juniors! hehe... There I started counseling kids and I had my first outreach program. We conducted a christmas party for the gradeschool kids of our adopted school. It was very fun and heart-warming just seeing the smiles in the children's faces while they were playing. During my senior year, the APF members in the Senior year were also 10 (as what you can see in the pic).

One incident that caught my attention during the said xmas party was that when everybody else was eating, there was this one boy who didn't touch his food. I asked why is he not eating and then he replied me with nothing. I asked again if he's going to give it to his family and then he nodded then looked down. From that moment, I realized how that boy valued his family. He wouldn't mind his hunger as long as they would have food to share and that all of them could eat something.

Being a peer facilitator taught me lots of things but the most important lesson I got from it was how to LISTEN. Sometimes, we tend to talk too much not minding the people around us who have more interesting thoughts to share. It taught me that in order to LISTEN, we need to be SILENT at times. Being a counselor was a tough job. Lots of responsibilities hang on your shoulder and it also takes a strong personality in order to counsel others. Honestly, I never had the chance to be in a serious counseling in all my years of being a peer faci but hey, at least I had minor counseling.

Lastly, being a peer faci taught me the value of FRIENDSHIP. It was where I met other peer facis on higher and lower year level. I also got to know our Guidance counselors and most especially the people who really need our help, people who wanted someone to listen to the things they wanna say. Being an APF molded me to be a better person, more sensitive to my surroundings and always available to listen to others. :) wow... nostalgia -_-

| # posted by ella | 2 comments

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close your eyes; wish carefully*

Tuesday, March 07, 2006
7:22 PM

Through our MEMORIES....

We live on our memories. No matter how we wanted them to disappear, they would not. They are just there waiting for us to remember them. The article about Memory and Imagination by Patricia Hampl clearly states the relationship between the two. I believe that our memories aren't the original memories or events that actually happened to us. Some parts of it were already taken out or even exaggerated. Those stored images with value are not the truth already. It is a version. But why do we say it's a version and not a fiction? The article was right, we invent some parts of it to achieve what we want and the way we wanted it and also our reflections about those memories. It is a version of the truth and not a fiction.
For example, we remember about our first step to school. Well, for the most part of it, it will be based from the original scenario but the details that will be added to that memory would already be the things we wanted to happen. For example, we would say that the teachers were really strict and proper with all their actions, but actually, they are not. We just wanted to emphasize that our first day of school sucks. This is why our memory is already a mixture of truth and our imagination. By the details added to these memories, we can discover what we really wanted to happen.
We must look at these added details because they are symbols that will help us discover our true self. They will let us find a window to a world deep within us that contain who we really are inside.

| # posted by ella | 0 comments

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close your eyes; wish carefully*

Dorm Life

In order to get what you want, you must sacrifice something I've always wanted to study in Ateneo. For me, it's a huge privilege to study there. It's where my parents wanted me to have my college and they were really happy when they learned that I was accepted. Thinking that I will attend my college there, of course I needed a place to stay. At first, my dad wanted me to have a condo but my brother and I refused, waste of money we thought. So I have no other choice but to have a dorm. What I really wanted is to commute everyday from Laguna to QC (another way of suicide, some of you might think), but actually, kaya ko naman but because my family and friends reiterated the same old question --Do YoU wAnT tO KiLL yoUrSeLf?-- okay fine, Dorm na kung dorm... haaayyy.. my first few weeks at my dorm was a complete torture for me.. I had no TV nor PC and I'm homesick.. Honestly, I cried during those times. It was my first time to be away from my comfort zone. I go home every friday and be back at the dorm every Sunday evening. I call it Sunday syndrome because I always have this sad feeling every Sunday. Yeah it's true that I need to sacrifice something-- it's part of life, and I need to live independently (as what my Dad kept on saying during my first weeks at my dorm). I realized that my Dad was correct. I need to learn how to live alone. I know I need to live on my own sometime, it's inevitable, it's a fact of life I need to face. Haayyy.... ang hirap!

| # posted by ella | 0 comments

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close your eyes; wish carefully*

Saturday, March 04, 2006
4:07 PM

One year after......

Yesterday, my bestfriend went to UP-diliman to do her research and of course, after her research, she, together with our other hs classmates, went to my dorm to fetch me so that we could go home together. I was so excited that time because it's been quite a while since I last saw them. They stayed for a few hours in my dorm bcoz my friend was color coding that day. I was so happy talking to them once again. Now that we're all in college,we couldn't find time to gather bcoz of our heavy school works. While I was talking to them, I couldn't stop reminiscing our hs life.. "naaalala mo pa ba nung...." we talked about our most embarrassing moments during hs. We couldn't help but laugh our hearts out while remembering how silly we were during that time.
I realized that it is almost one year since we graduated. That time when we used to break rules just for fun and all the trippings we had. All of our class activities that made us stay at school until night just to practice or do the props. We missed the different intrigues that just kept on passing from one section to another. Our section became REALLY close. We treated each other like family and we never hesitated to open up to anybody in our class. Until now, I'm so glad that the tie of our section keeps on getting tighter and tighter though we all have different directions in life.
"As we go on, we remember...All the times we had together....And as our lives change, from whatever.....We will still be, friends forever" this song by Vitamin C really struck me... just sums up all my feelings.. heheh... OKAY LET'S REMINISCE.... mwheheheh.... hayyyy one year.... waaahhhh.....miss u guys... see you in summer T_T...

BTW, this picture was taken at EK... hehe ang cute lang kaya nilagay ko.... (--,)

| # posted by ella | 0 comments

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close your eyes; wish carefully*

Wednesday, March 01, 2006
9:58 PM

First Entry

okei... this is my first entry in my second blog.. i really don't update my blog that often.. hehe... anyway.... hmmm.... i wanted to talk about the country's latest issue: proclamation 1017 a.k.a State of National Emergency.... honestly i am neither pro nor con on this issue... why? hmm... it's because, the proclamation was for the good of the state but the way they implemented it was otherwise.. gets? uhmm.... yeah, it was made to control the present disorder in the country and to limit the possibilities of endangering the state.. but... the way the authorities implemented it was so inhumane.. i mean, i saw one of the footages of abs-cbn regarding what happened last saturday or sunday... i couldn't remember the exact date. i saw one of the police hit one of the protesters consecutively with a stick.. i know it was REALLY painful and the police didn't even thought of that.. he could have dispersed the rallyist in another way- not too violent but effective.. how will they do that? it's their problem now hehehe... in addition, the inconsistency of the police.. at first, they said they weren't arresting Mr. Randy David but the way those people man-handled him,, it was like he was a criminal.. (btw, for the person holding Mr. David's hand, his left arm to be specific: Mr. David won't run away from you don't worry) talking about abridging the freedom of speech, i don't think it's a total restraint on the right.. i think the proclamation was given because of the coup attempt.. and the initial reaction of the people was that they got mad.. of course thay will get mad... but what if the people just let the proclamation do its job until the threat of coup will be gone (?).. then they could continue fighting for what they believe in...i think the proclamation wasn't for them... it was for the threat of state security brought about by the coup...free expression isn't justified when the state is endangered... then later on... they can SAY anything they want... another thing, the issue about throwing of the stones... oh c'mon.. no matter how many stones you throw on the police, they won't backout... violence isn't the key here...

| # posted by ella | 1 comments

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